


Pride is Temporary, Pain is Forever

by SpicyCheese



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: F/F, angsty-unrequited character studyish, spoilers up through 5x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:05:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyCheese/pseuds/SpicyCheese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after 5x03. Just a bit of introspection on unrequited feelings from Tamsin's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pride is Temporary, Pain is Forever

**Author's Note:**

> I was cleaning out my _works in progress_ fic folder and discovered this little gem. I must have written it right after 5x03 because I clearly had no idea what insanity of a story line was about to come for Tamsin's character. Anyway, enjoy this fic from a simpler time. Comments and constructive criticism always welcome.

*_*_*_*_*

 

Tamsin has never shied away from pain, but she’s never considered herself a masochist. She’s never been so foolish as to _seek out_ pain, never _wanted_ it. She certainly has never _let_ something harm her- never mind welcoming it with open arms.

Until now.

Tamsin has fallen in love with Bo. ‘Fallen’ is absolutely the right word. You have no control once you’ve started to fall. You can brace for impact, but you can’t stop it. To try, is foolish.

What she _can_ control, is her actions- what she chooses to do about it- and what Tamsin has chosen to do about it, is _nothing_. Not to ignore it _(as if that were even possible)_ but also not to act on it. Nothing proactive from her at least. Tamsin’s chosen to do this because she doesn’t want to lose Bo.

Yes, strangely enough, it’s clear that the best way to keep Bo in her life, is to hold Bo at arm’s length. Bo is afraid of losing the people she’s close to, so she pushes them away first. She said so, as recently as today- in Laruen’s lab.

Tamsin has seen what happens when a relationship with Bo goes from friendship to something more. that. She’s seen it with Dyson and Lauren. Bo will go to the ends of the Earth to protect Lauren and she trusts the doctor with her life... as long as they’re just friends. Bo accepts Dyson’s sworn fealty to her and will fuck his brains out at a moment’s notice... as long as there are no strings attached. And Bo will continue share a house (or even a bed) with Tamsin, will work cases and go out for drinks, she’ll even feed off her to heal... as long as there’s nothing more between them than that. For Bo, _more than that_ seems to always lead to _none of that_ , and _none_ of Bo is unacceptable to Tamsin. Having nothing between her and Bo is far worse than the little there is now.

Of course, this limbo- this hovering stasis they have between them- is not without its price. It’s agony actually. Tamsin is warrior- by occupation and design. She is made for _action_. She has been in many difficult battles in her many lifetimes but nothing has been as difficult as the torture of _not_ acting. Nothing has prepared her for exquisite torture of having what you most desire right in front of you, and having to push it away.

Nothing has prepared her for that.

Worst of all, possibly, she knows that Bo wouldn’t stop her if Tamsin’s resolved failed. Tamsin doesn’t have to be a succubus to read the lust in Bo’s eyes when she looks her way. There is sexual tension between them that is so palpable she wonders if Bo could just feed off the air between them- yet Tamsin will never make a move. She can _never_ let Bo even guess that there could be something more than just lust behind Tamsin’s actions. She doesn’t want Bo to even have reason to _suspect_ this.

So Tamsin rolls her eyes when Bo asks to feed and puts on a good show of being irritated or inconvenienced by it. She will be whatever Bo needs, as long as Bo never knows Tamsin needs her back. And it’s worked so far. Bo appears to be so duped by Tamsin’s charade of indifference that even when Tamsin has faltered and confessed- _to what on paper would be clear to anyone else is her boundless, eternal love for the succubus_ \- that Bo has never taken it seriously. Tamsin has succeeded admirably in convincing Bo that Tamsin could never love her. It’s like something straight out of a goddamn Greek tragedy (Considering Bo’s father that’s not even much of a stretch). The more Bo wants Tamsin, the less Tamsin can show she wants Bo. _Because_ she loves Bo, Bo can _never_ find out about her love. In order to keep Bo, she can never have her. And therein lies the pain.

What’s different though, is that it is a pain that Tamsin wants. Pain lets us know we’re alive. Pain is tangible. Pain has a source- Pain makes it all real. And as long as Tamsin is in pain, it means Bo is there with her. _That_ is a pain Tamsin will never wish away.

 

*_*_*_*_*

 


End file.
